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Buy Now Learn More Newest Posts Seeing with Eyes of Love ​ Hyperfocused on Details, Missing the Big Picture Finding God... In Your Past Pain ( + Buried Alive story) ​ Craving Certainty: A New Way to See When Religion and Anxiety Collide, Will Your Faith Survive? ​ Openness: Escaping Closed-Mindedness ​ Discovering God: He's Been There All Along All Posts (0) 0 post Recent Posts Rediscover God Discovering God: He's Been There All Along How To Hear God's Voice (part 1) Finding God... In Your Past Pain Finding God... In Your Curiosity Finding God... Change the Soundtrack ​ ​ New Way of Knowing Openness: Escaping Closed-Mindedness Craving Certainty: A New Way of Seeing Seeing Through Eyes of Humility Seeing Through Eyes of Patience A New Way of Seeing: Take the Risk Seeing Through Eyes of Pain Seeing with Eyes of Love Longing to Know: How to Grasp What's Really Real Facts or Feelings: How to Synthesize Knowledge, Emotion, and Words Specific Topics My PGAD Story Sensorimotor OCD Memory Hoarding OCD Anxiety, Shame, and Sexual Health Specific Colors of Wisdom

Buy Now Lire la vidéo Facebook Twitter Pinterest Tumblr Copiez le lien Lien copié For those with OCD, a voice of hope. “Kathrine beautifully and palpably captured the experience of OCD in such an accurate, soul-level way that I felt it in my gut. I couldn't put it down. Kathrine managed to take the convoluted, confusing, and messy reality of OCD and transform it into a beautiful narrative that you can't help but live right along with her as you read.” ​ —Tori Beck , The Christian Advocate, Instagram ​ Endorsments For all who have experienced emotional pain “Rarely have I come across a personal narrative that so vividly describes OCD... Yet this is much more than a book on OCD... It is for anyone who has experienced pain and confusion.” —Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC specializing in OCD ​ For anyone with emotional pain, especially if: ​ You’re caught in the spiral of OCD, and you need wisdom in the uncertainty. You’re confused about PGAD, and you need clarity about how PGAD and OCD can intertwine. Religious anxiety has turned you inside out, and you need a sense of hope. Buy Now Get Updates Be the first to find out when the audiobook becomes available! Email Sign Up Thanks for submitting!

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Acknowledgments First, I would like to thank the team of inspiring and encouraging individuals who have helped make this book a reality. ​ Thank you to the local and long-distance OCD therapists, life coaches, Immanuel Approach practitioners, and prayer partners who provided the emotional healing, strength, support, and wisdom that I needed as I brought this book into the world. ​ Thank you to the skilled editors, cover designers, marketing and branding experts, proofreaders, and other professionals who have lavished insight, sensitivity, and guidance on this manuscript. ​ Thank you to Sam Wan and Krista Reed for their help with the appendix. ​ Thank you to Reuben Kendall for giving permission to reprint a portion of his “Confession” liturgy. ​ Thank you to inspiring individuals like Drew Boa and Paul Pastor, whose attentive, insightful words cultivated a sense of awe and reaffirmed the depth and value of my writing. ​ Thank you to Elvis in Eastern Europe for allowing me to quote his insights on philosophy and reality. He even encouraged me to take some of his words and use them as my own without attribution. His total indifference to his public image reminded me that life is about art, relationships, and mystery—not just about platform and reputation. ​ Thank you to Pieter Valk and other participants in Revoice, whose healthy balance between boundaries and freedom helped ease my terrifying fear of romance. Pieter’s calm articulation of his principles helped clear the panic from my mind so that I could think clearly enough to set life-giving boundaries. He also introduced me to Ignatian Discernment, helping me learn how to follow my intuition under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. ​ Thank you to Justin K. Hughes for his life-changing ideas about OCD and faith and for his personal encouragement. At a juncture where I was ready to shelve my manuscript indefinitely, he encouraged me to move forward. ​ Thank you to my wise and encouraging life coach, TJ Wallace, whose words were a salve to my soul. He helped me discover and name my anxiety for the first time. His advice to start an anonymous Instagram account gave me the courage to start sharing pieces of my story for the first time. It was through Instagram that I discovered that I had OCD. Without him, this book would not exist. (P.S. He did eventually find me at the conference, and we had a great conversation.) ​ In addition, I would like to thank the deep thinkers who inspired me and contributed a deep well of insight to draw from in my writing and thinking. ​ Thank you to Esther Lightcap Meek, whose book, Longing to Know, helped me through my crisis of knowing. Her concepts are infused through this book, and I am deeply grateful for her words. Thank you to Karl Lehman, Jim Wilder, and others whose Immanuel prayer principles reopened my heart to the beauty of friendship with Jesus, and to joy and healthy shalom. These ideas are transforming my life. ​ Finally, I would like to thank the people in my personal life that continue to form the fabric of my everyday growth. ​ Thank you to my sisters, brother, and sister-in-law, who are my best friends. They were faithful confidants during the writing process. They took time out of their busy schedules to provide emotional support, offer wisdom, take walks with me, and listen to me talk about the book, OCD, sexuality, and friendships. They have been gems of wisdom and encouragement over the years. ​ Thank you to my parents for their courageous support as they have come to grips with my story. I pray that they continue to understand how treasured they are by God and by us. I’m grateful for the memories they’ve left behind: ​ I’m grateful for the feel of my father’s shoulders under my legs as I perched high in the air, gazing up at the achingly blue sky and the flickering yellow cottonwood leaves. “Remember this moment forever,” he said. And I have. ​ I’m grateful for the warm scent of newly harvested wheat under the muddy traction wheels of the harvester as I crouched in the shuddering cabin of our uncle’s combine, my father and siblings beside me. ​ I’m grateful for my mom’s gentle voice singing into the warm embrace of darkness in the car as we drove home from our grandparents’ house—my little head resting against the stubbly blue cloth of the car seat cover, one star shining in the dusky black sky outside the window. ​ I’m grateful for the excellent and engaging home education my parents provided. My mom supported my development as a writer by discovering textbooks and resources that helped me hone my skills. ​ I’m thankful for my mother’s inspiring journey toward kindness, understanding, and healing. She discovered and shared The Other Half of Church, which helped us find Joy Starts Here and Immanuel Approach, resources that are transforming our lives. I’m grateful she is doing her own inner work and that our relationship is growing. ​ I’m grateful for my father’s prayers, love, and gentleness, and for his laughter, humor, empathy, care, and practical skills. He diligently graded our schoolwork, ceaselessly prayed for us, patiently taught us to drive, gently buried each of my childhood pets, and surrounded us with joy and patience. ​ Thank you to all the neighbor friends and kids whose uncomplicated love, faithfulness, and laughter have filled my life for decades. Thank you to everyone whose friendships were so steady that they did not make it into this tumultuous, drama-filled narrative arc. I never want to take those relationships for granted. ​ Thank you to “Melanie” for coming out of the woodwork almost a decade ago. She let me know she was sorry for rejecting me and did whatever was necessary to heal the relationship. I’m grateful for her courage. Thank you to my new groups of friends who have walked on the journey of joy and shalom with me. I am thankful for friends who study God’s word with me, companions who hang out with me, and fellow authors who write with me. Each new friend has been an incredible blessing to me. ​ Finally, I want to thank Jesus, whose Immanuel Presence has given me the deepest, most abiding peace possible. ​ Notes and References ​ Chapter 2 9 Where are the others?: “OLDER Sound of Music Script Fall 2012 Script,” Accessed March 20, 2023, https://thescriptsavant.com/movies/The_Sound_Of_Music.pdf . ​ Chapter 4 26 Body and blood and Bring damnation: 1 Corinthians 11:27-30 King James Version [public domain]. 28 To him it is sin: James 4:17 New King James Version. 31 Eat honey: See Proverbs 24:13. ​ Chapter 5 39 Everlasting arms: From Deuteronomy 33:27. ​ Chapter 6 43 Shut your door: Matthew 6:6 American King James Version [public domain]. 63 Fifty degrees: Christopher C. Burt, “Extreme Short-Duration Temperature Changes in the U.S.,” March 16, 2018, Accessed on October 1, 2022, https://www.wunderground.com/cat6/extreme-short-duration-temperature-changes-us and NWS Kansas City, Twitter, February 22, 2022, Accessed October 1, 2022, https://twitter.com/nwskansascity/status/1496357433958039555?lang=en . ​ Chapter 8 65 Take up your cross: Matthew 16:24, paraphrase. 65 Murder yourself: Romans 8:13, my paraphrased misinterpretation, and Romans 7:23, my paraphrased misinterpretation. 67 Gives too much: Alan Paton, Cry, the Beloved Country (New York City: Scribner, 1987), 111. 67 It was a secret: Paton, Cry, the Beloved Country, 309. 68 When the dawn: Paton, 312. ​ Chapter 9 72 It is yesterday: Note: It is possible to have three calendar dates at one time. Whether or not at that exact moment there were three dates at the same time is debatable. See https://www.timeanddate.com/time/dateline.html . 73 Grow strangely dim: Helen Lemmel, “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus,” Accessed October 22, 2022, [public domain] https://hymnary.org/text/o_soul_are_you_weary_and_troubled . ​ Chapter 10 79 Open door: Revelation 3:8 NIV. 83 Exhibit was real: See “Prenatal Development,” Museum of Science + Industry, Chicago, Accessed February 13, 2023, https://www.msichicago.org/explore/whats-here/exhibits/you-the-experience/the-exhibit/your-beginning/prenatal-development/ . 85 Open door: Revelation 3:8 NIV. 85 Like a bridegroom: Psalm 19:4-5 ESV. ​ Chapter 11 89 Sound of your cry: Isaiah 30:19, my paraphrase. 90 Duggars: Jim Bob Duggar, The Duggars: 20 and Counting (Brentwood, TN: Howard Books, 2008), 25. ​ Chapter 13 107 Back side of something 3-D: Esther Lightcap Meek, Longing to Know: The Philosophy of Knowledge for Ordinary People (Ada, MI: Brazos Press, 2003), 136. 108 Fail to meet: “Stand SB Up,” Accessed March 8, 2022, https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/stand-sb-up . ​ Chapter 14 116 This is the way: Isaiah 30:21 NIV. ​ Chapter 15 127 Embrace his affection and Love him back: “Don McLean - Vincent (Starry, Starry Night) With Lyrics,” YouTube video, August 27, 2009, 3:58, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxHnRfhDmrk&ab_channel=wysty67 . ​ Chapter 18 147 Red Sand: See Red Sand Project, https://redsandproject.org/ . ​ Chapter 19 151 Waters of old: See Genesis 1. ​ Chapter 20 161 An enormous bliss: C. S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy: The Shape of my Early Life (New York: Harcourt, Brace and World, 1955), 16-17. 161 It ravished me: Samuel Pepys, “Thursday 27 February 1667/68,” The Diary of Samuel Pepys: Daily entries from the 17th century London diary, Accessed October 22, 2022, https://www.pepysdiary.com/diary/1668/02/27/ , 27/, quoted in part in C. S. Lewis, Weight of Glory (New York: Macmillan, 1949), 19. 162 Inconsolable longing: Lewis, Surprised by Joy, 72. 162 You have the thing itself: Lewis, 238. 164 Moments of shame: Curt Thompson, Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves (Westmont, Ill.: IVP, 2015), 34-35. 164 What shame is saying to us: Krispin Mayfield, Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2022), 188. ​ Chapter 22 176 Quality control: “What is Quality Inspection?” Arena Solutions, Accessed March 7, 2022, https://www.arenasolutions.com/resources/glossary/quality-inspection/ . ​ Chapter 24 192 Driven from me: Job 6:11, 13 NIV. 192 Vanish from their channels: Job 6:14-17 NIV. 192 Never see happiness: Job 7:6-7 NIV. 194 All the worlds beyond: Katherine Patterson, Bridge to Terabithia (New York: Harper Collins, 2017), 46. 194 Astronaut on the moon: Patterson, Bridge to Terabithia, 146. ​ Chapter 25 198 Terrible condition: Irwin Goldstein, MD, et. al., “ISSWSH PGAD/GPD CONSENSUS PUBLISHED,” March 7, 2021, Accessed October 22, 2022, https://www.isswsh.org/news/394-isswsh-pgad-gpd-consensus-published . 199 Clutching and consuming: Curt Thompson, Soul of Desire: Discovering the Neuroscience of Longing, Beauty, and Community (Westmont: IVP, 2021), 18. 204 Sexual desire as sin: Joana Carvalho, PhD, Ana Verissimo, PhD, Pedro Nobre, PhD, “Cognitive and Emotional Determinants Characterizing Women with Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder,” The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 10, Issue 6, June 2013, Accessed February 3, 2022, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609515303969 . ​ Chapter 26 210 Multiple ways to know and The body remembers: Claire Schwartz, Online Poetry Workshop: The Art of Attention, Catapult, Syllabus, Accessed October 1, 2022, https://catapult.co/classes/6-week-online-poetry-workshop-the-art-of-attention-670-2020-10-03?tab=about . 211 Wild passion and desire: Christopher West, Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing (Portland: Image, 2013), 41. 211 Strong wine of love: Saint Therese of Lisieux, as quoted in West, Fill These Hearts, 146. 211 Ecstasy in worship: Shmuley Boteach, as quoted in Debra Hirsch, Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations about Sexuality and Spirituality (Westmont: IVP 2015), 34. 212 Fire in his soul: Vincent Van Gogh, “Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh,” Accessed March 7, 2022, https://www.vangoghmuseum.nl/en/letters/collection/b0153V1962 . ​ Chapter 27 220 49th rejection: Nathalie Elvisia (@natsantonia), “To my writer friends. Just keep going. I was rejected over 48 times before I got my 49th rejection,” November 11, 2019, 11:38 am. https://twitter.com/natsantonia/status/1193946084864921600 . ​ Chapter 29 237 Believed for ourselves: “Confession” by Reuben Kendell. Used by permission. ​ Chapter 30 242 Riddled with anxiety: Anxiety felt like love to me, since the earliest love I received was riddled with anxiety. But it wasn’t real love; it was eating others alive. The best way to address my unwanted romantic feelings was to attack the maggots of anxiety beneath them. Rikki Cloos, Anxious Hearts Guide (Herrin, Ill.: Alter Ego Publishing, 2021), 152. 242 Familiar, anxious affection: Cloos, Anxious Hearts Guide, 194. 243 Completely whole: See Romans 8:23-27. 243 Close in his thoughts: See Romans 8:23-27, Psalm 139:17. 243 Getting empty again: Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal: The Four Shifts That Make Everything Better…And That Anyone Can Do (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992), 148. 244 Trust each other: David Armistead, as quoted in Matthew Whitfield, “Why trust has to be at the center of everything we do,” Accessed October 22, 2022, https://7milesaminute.com/why-trust-has-to-be-at-the-centre-of-everything-we-do . 243 Arousal symptom of OCD: Nathan Peterson, “The Groinal Response - What’s going on ‘DOWN THERE?’” OCD and Anxiety, August 31, 2020, YouTube video, 12:20, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1y_BBMmKpo&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . See also “False Attraction and Why It Happens,” OCD and Anxiety, May 23, 2022, YouTube video, 3:58, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhJ-xI37s_A&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . 246 Focal points vanish: Janet Singer, “OCD and Values,” Accessed March 21, 2022, https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/ocd-and-values/ . 246 Forget my memories: At the time of this writing, I had more than 50 pounds of printed diary material, comprising thousands and thousands of pages. 247 Cingulate gyrus: “Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders,” Stanford Medicine, Accessed October 15, 2022, https://med.stanford.edu/ocd/about/understanding.html . 249 Arouses more sin: See Romans 7:5. 249 New lover: See Romans 7:1-6. ​ Chapter 31 255 We are the thing itself: Virginia Woolf, Moments of Being, as quoted on Goodreads, Accessed March 9, 2022 https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/163307-behind-the-cotton-wool-is-hidden-a-pattern-that-we-i . 255 Knowing good and evil: See Genesis 2-3. 255 Never figuring it out: Nathan Peterson, “Sexual Orientation OCD | HOCD | 3 Step Treatment,” OCD and Anxiety, YouTube short, 0:57, Accessed March 9, 2022, https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Q-qO33nc6rg . 258 Holy, galactic dreams and Fantasize beautiful futures: Mark E. Thibodeaux, God’s Voice Within: The Ignatian Way to Discover God’s Will (Chicago: Loyola Press, 2010), 168. ​ Chapter 32 261 Casket drawing: Christopher Powers, “Full of Eyes,” https://www.fullofeyes.com/ . 265 Grateful for in each other: Jim Wilder and Michel Hendricks, The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation (Chicago: Moody, 2020), 75. 266 Find myself: See Matthew 10:39. 267 Joy moments: Wilder and Hendricks, Other Half of Church, 217-219. ​ Chapter 33 270 Deeper, 3-D pattern: Meek, Longing to Know, 136. 270 There all along: Julia Baird, Phosphorescence: A Memoir of Finding Joy When Your World Goes Dark (New York: Random House, 2021), 32. 271 Inside author’s skin: “An excellent carnal writer fashions not a robot, but what feels like a breathing, tasting avatar the reader can climb inside, thus wearing the writer’s hands and standing inside her shoes. The reader gets zipped into your skin.” Mary Karr, Art of Memoir (New York City: Harper, 2015), 78. 271 They are a secret: Paton, Cry, the Beloved Country, 309. 271 Reveal itself: Esther Lightcap Meek, Loving to Know: Covenant Epistemology (Eugene, OR: Cascade Books, 2011), 434. 271 Personal and transforms me: Meek, Loving to Know, 23. 271 Habitat of truth: Meek, 37. ​ Chapter 34 273 Feel small and Mysterious: Baird, Phosphorescence, 18. 274 Look and wonder: David Hoadley, as quoted in Baird, Phosphorescence, 24. 274 Reset your brain: Wilder and Hendricks, Other Half of Church, 218. 275 You gaze: Baird, Phosphorescence, 176. 275 Brain circuits: Thalamus and Basal ganglion for relational attachment and cingulate cortex for relational synchronization, parts of the brain that are underused in today’s digital world. Karl Lehman, “Brain Science, Emotional Healing, and the God Who is With Us,” Accessed June 24, 2023, https://www.kclehman.com/index.php?view=new_BrainScienceSeminarDocuments2007-2008 . 275 Nonbelievers’ memories resolved: Karl Lehman, “The Immanuel Approach (to Emotional Healing and to Life),” Immanuel Approach (2013): 33, http://www.immanuelapproach.com/pdf/Chapters1-5%28Draft%29NewBook.pdf . 276 Higher than EMDR: Karl Lehman, Immanuel Approach. 276 Shot by terrorists and Resolved permanently: Outsmarting Yourself: Catching Your Past Invading the Present and What to Do About It (Libertyville, Ill: This Joy! Books, 2011), 81. 277 Eternal but ephemeral: David Hoadley, as quoted in Baird, Phosphorescence, 24. 277 Cannot comprehend: Job 37:4-5, Berean Study Bible. 278 Get our attention and Angel midwives: Steven Pressfield, The War of Art (New York: Black Irish Entertainment, 2002), 123. 279 Goosebumps Baird, Phosphorescence, 30-31, see also pg. 28, 39, where it mentions that the “gaps in understanding” are a “portal to possibility.” 280 Rather than in words and Between the words: Elvis (math professor in Eastern Europe), email message to author, July 21, 2022, used with permission. 281 Beyond the categories: Meek, Loving to Know, 457. 281 I am who I am: Exodus 3:14. 281 Adventure begins: Elvis (math professor in Eastern Europe), email message to author, July 21, 2022, used with permission. ​ Appendix A ​ Immanuel Approach 284 Vantage point of security and Additional safety enhancements: “Spiritually Oriented Trauma Healing in Nigeria: A Program Evaluation to Assess Trauma-Symptom Reduction and Spiritual Growth,” Journal of Psychology and Theology, pg. 7, Biola University, Published February 18, 2023, Accessed June 11, 2023, https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/00916471221150402?journalCode=ptja . 284 Gentler and more effective: Dr. Karl Lehman, email message to author, March 12, 2023. 284 Blending neuroscience and Escape hatch: Dr. Karl Lehman, “Introduction to the Immanuel Approach, Very Short,” Immanuel Approach, January 6, 2023, YouTube video, 12:20, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_XKA__I_CY&t=7s&ab_channel=ImmanuelApproachDr.KarlLehman . 285 Stick with the therapy and More long-term healing: Lehman, “The Immanuel Approach,” 33. 286 50-70% success and Complex blockages and Quicker, gentler process and Close to 100% success: Dr. Karl Lehman, email message to author, March 12, 2023. 286 Empirical studies needed and Case studies: “Spiritually Oriented Trauma Healing.” 286 Experience as a therapist and Comments from patients and Comments from psychotherapists: Dr. Karl Lehman, email message to author, March 12, 2023. 286 PTSD symptom reduction: “Spiritually Oriented Trauma Healing.” 287 Nonbelievers received healing: Lehman, “The Immanuel Approach,” 14. ​ Intuition and Ignatian Prayer 288 Inference-based CBT: “Obsessional Doubt (Inference Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy / ICBT),” OCD Space, February 16, 2023, YouTube video, 10:26, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTyweq4c8EY&ab_channel=OCDSpace . 288 Ferreting out the bad: “Dokimazo,” HELPS word studies, Accessed April 1, 2023, https://biblehub.com/greek/1381.htm . ​ Joy Starts Here 289 Run smoothly: Michel Hendricks and Jim Wilder, “Appendix B: Joy on Demand Exercise,” from Other Half of Church, free download, Accessed February 13, 2023, https://static1.squarespace.com/static/588b986dd482e969df160c7d/t/61db2a45d8184747a216517f/1641753157579/Joy+Exercise.pdf . 289 Glad to be together: “Joy Starts Here: The Transformation Zone,” Life Model Works, Accessed October 22, 2022, https://lifemodelworks.org/joy-starts-here/ . 289 Pseudo-joys: Jim Wilder, Edward M. Khouri, Chris M. Coursey, Shelia D. Sutton, Joy Starts Here: The Transformation Zone (Peoria, Ill.: Shepherd’s House, 2014), 20. 289 Stable identity: Wilder, Joy Starts Here, 78-80. 289 Joy and Shalom: Wilder, 14. ​ THRIVEtoday 292 Strengthening skills: “Discover the Relational Skills,” ThriveToday, Accessed October 22, 2022, https://thrivetoday.org/the-19-skills/ . ​ Appendix B ​ Anxiety and Consumption 294 Emotional, sexual, etc.: Drew Boa, “Sexual Arousal vs. Sexual Desire (with Dr. Doug Carpenter),” Husband Material with Drew Boa, May 16, 2022, YouTube video, 15:29, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L86ThmR2dQg&t=1s&ab_channel=HusbandMaterialwithDrewBoa . 294 Lack of emotional regulation: Drew Boa, in conversation with the author, February 5, 2023. 295 Resource to be used: Karl Lehman, “Supplementary material, Chapter 35b: The Immanuel Lifestyle,” Immanuel Approach (2014): 3, https://www.immanuelapproach.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Chapter35bImmanuelLifestyle.pdf . 295 Observing and using and Deeply delight: Meek, Loving to Know, 463. 295 Turn into a formula: Justin K. Hughes, “Can Thoughts be Evil or Sinful? What Does That Mean For Intrusive Thoughts and Obsessions? (Part 1/3),” April 22, 2022, https://www.justinkhughes.com/jog/can-thoughts-be-evil-or-sinful-what-does-that-mean-for-intrusive-thoughts-and-obsessions-4-part-series/ . ​ Anxiety and Focus 296 On the radio: Alexandra Benisek, “What is Frequency Illusion,” Web MD, September 26, 2022, https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-frequency-illusion . 296 Attention is the engine: Thompson, Soul of Shame, 48. 296 Attention drives sensation and Most people wouldn’t feel: Levi Riven, Ph.D., “Making Sense of Physical Sensations in Sexual-Themed OCD,” Last modified December 2, 2021, Accessed February 5, 2023, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/demystifying-ocd/202112/making-sense-physical-sensations-in-sexual-themed-ocd . 296 Attention increases blood flow: “Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),” Mind, Accessed February 5, 2023, https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/symptoms-of-ocd/ . 297 Even create it: Justin K Hughes, “SCRUPULOSITY: When OCD Gets Tangled in Religious and Moral Matters Livestream and AMA,” Justin K. Hughes, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor, June 23, 2022, YouTube video, 2:03:00, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82L_fHOKxzk . 297 Sensations more obvious: J. J. Keeler, “Groinal Responses in OCD: What They Are and Why They Happen,” Last modified January 25, 2021, Accessed February 5, 2023, https://impulsetherapy.com/groinal-responses-in-ocd-what-they-are-and-why-they-happen/ . 297 Build-up and excitement: Boa, “Sexual Arousal vs. Sexual Desire.” 297 Accepting and ignoring: Keeler, “Groinal Responses in OCD.” 297 Attention governs us: Thompson, Soul of Shame, 48-49. ​ Anxiety and Jesus’ Presence 299 Pure poetry and End of the story and Counterfeit god: Paul Miller, A Praying Life: Connecting With God in a Distracting World (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2017), 195. 299 Unanswered in the moment: Chad Pickering, “Let’s Talk about LGBT+,” New Life Wichita, April 14, 2019, YouTube video, 46:01, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51b6n7yF7XY&ab_channel=NewLifeWichita . 299 Emerge from our chrysalis: Miller, A Praying Life, 195. 299 Intimacy grows: Miller, 194. 300 All figured out: Curt Thompson, Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships (Arlington: Tyndale Refresh, 2010), 18. ​ Anxiety and Joy 301 Brain fuel and On-ramp to joy: Hendricks and Wilder, “Joy on Demand Exercise.” 301 Gratitude and anxiety: Tanya Peterson, MS, NCC, DAIS, “Gratitude and Anxiety: To Be Less Anxious, Be More Grateful,” November 14, 2019, Accessed February 13, 2023, https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2019/11/gratitude-and-anxiety-to-be-less-anxious-be-more-grateful . 301 Relive a memory and Peace you feel: Hendricks and Wilder, “Joy on Demand Exercise.” ​ Anxiety and Knowing 302 Unfold itself to you and May not know it at all: Meek, Loving to Know, 47-48. 303 More like rape: Meek, Loving to Know, 47-48. 303 Have clarity: Hughes, “SCRUPULOSITY.” 303 Habits of knowing: Meek, Loving to Know, 425-468. 304 Take this by faith Justin K. Hughes, “Can Christians Be Free From Uncertainty? Part 1/4: Uncertainty Can Be Utterly Uncomfortable,” December 3, 2021, Accessed February 10, 2023, https://www.justinkhughes.com/jog/can-christians-be-free-from-uncertainty-part-1-4-uncertainty-can-be-utterly-uncomfortable/ . 304 Landing the plane: Bob Goff, Twitter, Accessed February 16, 2023, https://twitter.com/bobgoff/status/1087765900097249280?lang=en . 304 Humility teaches us: Hannah Anderson, Humble Roots: How Humility Grounds and Nourishes Your Soul (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016), 133. ​ Anxiety and Relational Boundaries 306 Fear being alone: Cloud, Changes That Heal, 148. 307 Internal structure: Cloud, 148. ​ Anxiety and Sexual Arousal 307 50-90%: Riven, “Making Sense of Physical Sensations.” 307 Electric shock: David H. Barlow, David K. Sakheim, J. Gayle Beck, “Anxiety increases sexual arousal,” Accessed February 5, 2023, https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1983-09491-001 . 308 Suspension bridge: “Misattribution of Arousal,” Wikipedia, April 7, 2023, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misattribution_of_arousal . 308 Panic for passion: Alison Foreman, “A sex expert explains why everyone was so horny before the big battle on ‘Game of Thrones,’” April 24, 2019, https://mashable.com/article/horny-game-of-thrones-episode-sex-expert-explains . 308 Frightening situations: Riven, “Making Sense of Physical Sensations.” 308 Don’t worry about the arousal: Riven. 308 More manageable: Drew Boa, “Porn will lose its power,” Marketing email, accessed February 11, 2023. 308 Not a formula: Justin K Hughes, Can Thoughts Be Evil or Sinful? Accessed February 5, 2023, https://www.justinkhughes.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Can-Thoughts-Be-Evil-or-Sinful-eBook.pdf . 308 More manageable: Boa, “Porn will lose its power.” 309 Treating sexual addiction: Recommendations by Drew Boa, in conversation with the author, February 5, 2023. 309 Practical ideas for reducing fear: Deb Dana, Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices (W. W. Norton and Company, 2020). ​ What If We Make Mistakes In Knowing? 309 Columbus and Copernicus: Meek, Longing to Know, 156. 310 There can be no mistakes: Meek, 159. ​ Appendix C ​ Backdoor Spikes 312 Like these thoughts: Nathan Peterson, “What if I LIKE My OCD Thoughts?” OCD and Anxiety, December 7, 2020, YouTube video, 8:51, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4NJGtvCAUY&t=1s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . 312 Back door: Nathan Peterson, “Backdoor Spikes with OCD and Anxiety,” OCD and Anxiety, October 11, 2021, YouTube video, 9:01, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsmcGFXgG4o&t=1s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . 312 Tricks and cheats: “Tricks and Cheats of the OCD Con Artist,” from K. O’Connor and F. Aardema, Clinician’s handbook for obsessive compulsive disorder: Inference-based therapy (Chichester: Wiley-Blackwell, 2012), accessed April 22, 2023, https://icbt.online/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Module-10.pdf. ​ Effects of a Neurodivergent Parent 313 Deeply unseen: Dr. Kenneth Roberson, “Mindblindness In Adults With Autism Spectrum Disorder,” March 3, 2021, https://kennethrobersonphd.com/mindblindness-in-adults-with-autism-spectrum-disorder/ . 314 Fail to see the big picture: “How autism affects seeing the ‘big picture’, Difficulties with Central Coherence,” Middletown Centre for Autism, July 14, 2023, https://capacity-resource.middletownautism.com/strategies/supporting-the-individual-with-autism/how-autism-affects-seeing-the-big-picture-difficulties-with-central-coherence/ . ​ Emotional Contamination OCD 314 Emotional contamination: Dr. R. Y. Langham, “Dirty on the Inside: Mental Contamination and OCD,” Impulse Therapy, February 3, 2021, https://impulsetherapy.com/dirty-on-the-inside-mental-contamination-and-ocd/ . 315 Tricks and cheats: “Tricks and Cheats of the OCD Con Artist.” ​ Harm OCD 315 Harm someone: Nathan Peterson, “Harm OCD: How to Do Treatment,” OCD and Anxiety, June 8, 2020, YouTube video, 12:12, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwkpqNpHfkE&t=2s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . 315 Irrelevant information: “Tricks and Cheats of the OCD Con Artist.” 315 Tricks and cheats: “Tricks and Cheats.” ​ Just Right OCD 316 Something is incomplete and Feeling of tension goes away: “Just Right” OCD Symptoms,” IOCDF, April 8, 2023, https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Just-right-OCD-Fact-Sheet.pdf . ​ Mental Hoarding OCD 316 Not mentally replaying: Rebecca Billerio-Riff, LMSW, “Remembering to Forget: OCD and Memory Hoarding,” Last modified on January 21, 2021, Accessed March 7, 2022, https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/remembering-to-forget-ocd-and-memory-hoarding/ . ​ Pedophile OCD 317 Molested a child: Nathan Peterson, “What is Pedophile OCD? | POCD | Intrusive Thoughts,” OCD and Anxiety, September 23, 2019, YouTube video, 7:03, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f3hxkdB4xA&t=337s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . 317 Irrelevant information and Tricks and cheats: “Tricks and Cheats of the OCD Con Artist.” ​ Peristent Genital Arousal Disorder 318 Terrible condition and Suicidal thoughts: Goldstein, “ISSWSH PGAD/GPD CONSENSUS.” 318 Exist alongside PGAD: “What is Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD)?” Healthline, Accessed February 11, 2023, https://www.healthline.com/health/persistent-genital-arousal-disorder . 318 Some also find relief: “Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder,” Cleveland Clinic, Accessed February 11, 2023, https://my . clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23998-persistent-genital-arousal-disorder. 318 General sense of relaxation: “Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD) | What is it and How Can Pelvic Floor Therapy Help?,” Femina Physical Therapy, September 9, 2020, https://feminapt.com/blog/persistent-genital-arousal-disorder-pgad-what-is-it-and-how-can-pelvic-floor-therapy-help . 318 Anxiety therapy: “Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder,” Cleveland Clinic. ​ Scrupulosity OCD 319 Excessive religious behavior and Lists examples and Try to gain certainty: Hughes, “SCRUPULOSITY.” 320 Tricks and cheats: “Tricks and Cheats of the OCD Con Artist.” ​ Sexual Orientation OCD 321 Sexual orientation: Nathan Peterson, “How to do for Treatment HOCD/SOOCD | Homosexual OCD - Sexual Orientation OCD,” OCD and Anxiety, March 3, 2020, YouTube video, 14:26, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQZwmmLkN8I&t=2s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety. 321 Tricks and cheats: “Tricks and Cheats of the OCD Con Artist.” ​ Suicide OCD 322 Suicide OCD: Nathan Peterson, “Suicidal OCD—My Brain Won’t Stop Thinking of Suicide,” OCD and Anxiety, July 27, 2020, YouTube video, 11:37, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bayQ4zAtJBM&t=1s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . 322 Tricks and cheats: “Tricks and Cheats of the OCD Con Artist.” When to Leave and When to Stay 322 Avoidance: “The Role of Avoidance in OCD,” Psych Central, April 22, 2023, https://psychcentral.com/ocd/the-role-of-avoidance-in-ocd . about the author Kathrine Snyder, a graduate of Prairie Bible College in Alberta, is a full-time ghostwriter. She has ghostwritten several leadership books and memoirs for clients from six countries, including an international nine-figure businessman. Kathrine is passionate about literary craft, trauma-informed care, and advocacy for PGAD and OCD. She is committed to helping people survive uncertainty, disorientation, and shame-filled religious ideologies so they can forge a personal connection with Jesus. Learn more at www.kathrinesnyder.com

Appendix Links Welcome! Below, you will find live links to the resources mentioned in the appendix. You can also find the Acknowledgments, Notes and References here. Appendix A Helpful resources for getting closer to Jesus, developing your healthy intuition, and growing neurological joy. Immanuel Approach Immanuel Approach Emotional Healing for unbelievers and people with sexual struggles: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-living-truth-podcast-freedom-from-unwanted-sexual/id1499142692?i=1000508255396 ​ Explanation of Immanuel Approach: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-living-truth-podcast-freedom-from-unwanted-sexual/id1499142692?i=1000506579574 For a video introduction that briefly describes the process and briefly summarizes the theory underlying the Immanuel Approach, please see “Immanuel Approach Basic Training: Introduction” on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnA1KzoOIGs Browse scholarly articles and video clips here: https://www.immanuelapproach.com/ ​ To find an Immanuel Approach Facilitator: Online: Face to Face Ministries https://facetofaceministries.org/healing Canada: Dr. Ian Mogilevsky and Associates www.drianmogilevsky.com Netherlands and online: Johan Konstapel Praktijk, info@immanueltherapy.com Tennessee and Panama: John Curlin, M.D.:curlin7@gmail.com Illinois: Andrea Bacon MD, Phone: 312-243-9919 Cardia Counseling: www.cardiacounseling.com Molly Emerson, MS: iwm.mollyemerson@gmail.com Andy Email: andy@kclehman.com Daniel Yutzy, LCSW: Phone number: 773-583-3641 Sharon Ogden, MSSW, LCSW: iwm.sharonogden@gmail.com Fran Devonshire Phone: 847-864-8563 Kansas: Darrel Brazell E-mail info@newhopelawrence.com . Indiana: Douglas Kellenberger, MA, LMHC LifeWorks Counseling & Consulting, Inc. dkellenberger@lifeworks-counseling.org You can read the entire Immanuel Approach Book here: https://www.immanuelapproach.com/book/ ​ Read Karl Lehman’s scientific information about implicit memories here: https://www.immanuelapproach.com/resources/outsmarting-yourself/ Read the research journal “Spiritually Oriented Trauma Healing in Nigeria: A Program Evaluation to Assess Trauma-Symptom Reduction and Spiritual Growth,” https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.1177/00916471221150402 ​ For Immanuel Approach participants “reaching the cut-off value for a PTSD diagnosis, the improvement was… n=21, M=12.76, t (20)=3.905, p<.001… The program had a… large effect on those who reached the cut-off for PTSD pre-workshop (n=21, d=1.001).” Intuition and Ignatian Prayer Check out God's Voice Within on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Gods-Voice-Within-Ignatian-Discover/dp/0829428615 ​ For more on Obsessional Doubt, see https://icbt.online/ and “Obsessional Doubt (Inference Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy / ICBT),” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTyweq4c8EY&ab_channel=OCDSpace ​ Joy Starts Here Buy the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Starts-Here-transformation-zone/dp/B092X8CTMJ Learn more: https://lifemodelworks.org/joy-starts-here/ Life Model Works Life Model Works https://lifemodelworks.org Connexus https: //lifemodelworks.org/connexus/ Longing to Know Buy Longing to Know : https://www.amazon.com/Longing-Know-Esther-Lightcap-Meek/dp/1587430606/ ​ Buy A Little Manual For Knowing : https://www.amazon.com/Little-Manual-Knowing-Esther-Lightcap/dp/161097784X/ Safe Place Prayer Search for: “Bonus: Safe Place Prayer with Matt” https://soundcloud.com/laurie-krieg/bonus-safe-place-prayer-with-matt?si=e53b760ef7ea4517aa73337b9b1e6ac7 Soul Shepherding Visit Soul Shepherd here: Soulshepherding.org ThriveToday To learn brain skills, visit ThriveToday.org Nineteen relational skills: https://thrivetoday.org/relationalskills/ Appendix B Dive with me into topics of anxiety, faith, sexuality, and how we can know what is real Anxiety and Joy For more about the Joy Reset, see the free download: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/588b986dd482e969df160c7d/t/61db2a45d8184747a216517f/1641753157579/Joy+Exercise.pdf Anxiety and Knowing To learn more about developing an accurate sense of knowing, see: Longing to Know : https://www.amazon.com/Longing-Know-Esther-Lightcap-Meek/dp/1587430606/ ​ A Little Manual For Knowing : https://www.amazon.com/Little-Manual-Knowing-Esther-Lightcap/dp/161097784X/ ​ To learn how Inference-Based Cognitive therapy can help you sense reality, see: icbt.online ​ Videos introducing the steps to I-CBT: https://icbt.online/instructional-videos/ ​ Getting Out of the OCD Bubble and Finding Reality! (see Module 7 above for a video explanation): https://icbt.online/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Module-7-The-Bubble-Katie.pdf ​ Ways OCD tries to trick you about reality: https://icbt.online/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Module-10.pdf How Your Vulnerable Self-Theme Skews Reality: https://icbt.online/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Module-4-Catherine-Goldhouse-Feared-Self.pdf ​ See also Loving to Know: Covenant Epistemology: https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Know-Esther-Lightcap-Meek-ebook/dp/B005KD790Q/ For excellent resources on knowing and being known, see Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson: https://www.amazon.com/Soul-Shame-Retelling-Stories-Ourselves/dp/0830844333/ ​ For excellent resources on knowing and being known, see Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson https://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Soul-Connections-Neuroscience-Relationships/dp/141433415X/ ​ Anxiety and Sexual Arousal Polyvagal Exercises for safety and connection: https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Exercises-Safety-Connection-Client-Centered-Practices/dp/0393713857 ​ Sexual-Themed OCD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/demystifying-ocd/202112/making-sense-physical-sensations-in-sexual-themed-ocd ​ Physical Sensations and OCD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/demystifying-ocd/202112/making-sense-physical-sensations-in-sexual-themed-ocd Sexual Arousal vs. Sexual Desire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L86ThmR2dQg&t=1s&ab_channel=HusbandMaterialwithDrewBoa Explore and understand your sexual urges on an online course (for men): https://www.drewboa.com/ ​ Explore and understand your sexual urges through books and conferences: https://jay-stringer.com/ What if We Make Mistakes in Knowing? See Loving to Know: Covenant Epistemology: https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Know-Esther-Lightcap-Meek-ebook/dp/B005KD790Q/ ​ See also Longing to Know: https://www.amazon.com/Longing-Know-Esther-Lightcap-Meek/dp/1587430606/ Appendix C In this appendix, you will find helpful links about the sub-categories of OCD and other topics related to OCD and PGAD. Backdoor Spikes See "Backdoor Spikes with OCD and Anxiety" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsmcGFXgG4o&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety Effects of a Neurodiver-gent Parent Reach out for personal support at kathrine.snyder@mailfence.com Find a listening ear and the non-anxious presence of Immanuel: https://www.facetofaceministries.org/ Excellent article about the effects of an autistic parent: https://www.theneurotypical.com/parents-with-aspergers.html Social skills: https://everydayspeech.com/ Anxious Attachment: The Anxious Hearts Guide: Rising Above Anxious Attachment Helpful article about having a parent with autism: http://www.aspergerpartner.com/children-of-a-parent-with-asd-aspergers-syndrome-2.html ​ Emotional Contamination OCD To learn more about Emotional Contamination, see: https://impulsetherapy.com/dirty-on-the-inside-mental-contamination-and-ocd/ See also “Emotional Contamination OCD,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3FrJi4cKPw&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety . Harm OCD See "Harm OCD" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwkpqNpHfkE&t=2s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety Just Right OCD See "Just Right OCD" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMR4mMuwZjs&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety Mental Hoarding OCD See “Mental Hoarding OCD,” OCD and Anxiety Counseling https://www.ocdandanxietycounseling.com/videos/memory-hoarding-ocd-what-it-looks-like See also Nathan Peterson, “Mental Hoarding OCD | I Have To Remember” on YouTube POCD "POCD | Intrusive Thoughts" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f3hxkdB4xA&t=335s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder Pelvic Sense Home Healing Modules: https://www.pelvicsense.com/ ​ Vaginal Ice Packs: https://www.amazon.com/VagiKool-Reusable-Cold-Pack-Komfort-Fit-Postpartum/dp/B018W41DUQ ​ Pelvic Floor Stretches for PGAD: Easy Pelvic Stretches https://www.intimaterose.com/blogs/kegel-exercise/pelvic-floor-stretches More Pelvic Stretches: https://www.esht.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/1004.pdf Happy Baby Pose https://www.healthline.com/health/happy-baby-pose Inner Thigh Stretch https://www.healthline.com/health/exercise-fitness/how-to-stretch-inner-thigh#safety Numbing Creams for Arousal: Preparation H: https://www.amazon.com/Preparation-Hemorrhoid-Treatment-Ointment-Discomfort/dp/B07PQY3F3S/ Lidocaine Cream: https://www.amazon.com/HealthWise-Strength-Lidocaine-Long-Lasting-Non-Greasy/dp/B09ZNQZBPH ​ ​ PGAD Official Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pgad_official/ ​ PGAD Facebook Support group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/pgadsupportentry ​ Practical Pelvic Floor Exercises for healing: https://www.amazon.com/Male-Pgad-Debilitating-Persistent-Disorder/dp/1716384206 ​ Pelvic Floor Therapy for PGAD: https://feminapt.com/blog/persistent-genital-arousal-disorder-pgad-what-is-it-and-how-can-pelvic-floor-therapy-help Dr. Robert Echenberg discusses PGAD: https://www.blogtalkradio.com/pelvicmessenger/2014/04/24/dr-robert-echenberg-discusses-pgad-persistent-genital-arousal-disorder ​ PGAD FAQ: https://www.sexlab.ca/pgad ​ Dr. Barry Komisaruk on Tarlov Cysts and PGAD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJvfyTvqs38&ab_channel=PGADSUPPORT ​ A Comparison of Comorbidities: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609519314444 ​ Misunderstood Pain of PGAD Radio show by Audacious: https://www.ctpublic.org/show/audacious-with-chion-wolf/2023-08-25/the-misunderstood-pain-of-persistent-genital-arousal-disorder ​ “The International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health’s ISSWSH PGAD/GPD CONSENSUS PUBLISHED March 7, 2021.” https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1743609521001752 ​ Lumbar Endoscopic Spine Surgery for persistent genital arousal disorder/genitopelvic dysesthesia resulting from lumbosacral annular tear–induced sacral radiculopathy: https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article/20/2/210/6985898?login=false ​ Feeling Turned On Is Such a Good Thing... Except When It Isn't https://www.sexlab.ca/blog/2022/6/15/feeling-turned-on-is-such-a-positive-experience-except-when-it-isnt Scrupulosity OCD The IOCDF Faith and OCD resources https://iocdf.org/faith-ocd/ For more information, see “SCRUPULOSITY: When OCD Gets Tangled in Religious and Moral Matters Livestream and AMA” by Justin Hughes on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82L_fHOKxzk&t=4744s&ab_channel=JustinK.Hughes%2CMA%2CLicensedProfessionalCounselor ​ See “OCD and Lying: What to Know,” on Psych Central https://psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-lying-hyper-responsibility-honesty See also Nathan Peterson, “Scrupulosity: What is Religious OCD?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY_jcWpnvdI&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety ​ “How to Do Treatment for Scrupulosity,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SvKG-Gy-Dc&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety Sexual Orientation OCD “Sexual Orientation OCD | HOCD | 3 Step Treatment,” https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Q-qO33nc6rg ​ "How to do for Treatment HOCD/SOOCD | Homosexual OCD - Sexual Orientation OCD," https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQZwmmLkN8I&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety ​ “HOCD | Intrusive Thoughts About Being Gay,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clOlsecReow&t=26s&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety. Suicide OCD See Nathan Peterson, “Suicidal OCD--My Brain Won’t Stop Thinking of Suicide,” OCD and Anxiety, YouTube What If I Like My OCD Thoughts? See Nathan Peterson, “What if I LIKE My OCD Thoughts?” OCD and Anxiety, Accessed March 7, 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4NJGtvCAUY&list=PLRoIPZFFgHFjpm8xvuPiDjO1vbUjypkWy&index=6&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety See also Nathan Peterson, “How to Do Treatment for Scrupulosity,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SvKG-Gy-Dc&ab_channel=OCDandAnxiety See also Patricia Thornton, Ph.D., “Questioning Whether You Have OCD When You Have OCD,” https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/questioning-whether-you-have-ocd-when-you-have

Memoir The ordinary world of romance never made sense to Kathrine. She’s not sure what people are talking about when they say “sparks” or “fireworks.” Certain she will fall into the worst of sins if she talks to a boy, she spends hours compulsively confessing her sins and pushing away every thought of romance. Fun-loving, full of adventure, and artistic, this smart, sensitive girl experiences life through the distorting lens of undiagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder—convinced her compulsive worries protect her from danger. When a series of unexpected events throw her world off balance, she struggles to make sense of her inner and outer realities. Charming and raw, harrowing and redemptive, this book is at once a coming-of-age of an unusually perceptive child and a window into the mystery of a newly recovered faith. Beautifully immersive, this book is a hopeful companion to anyone who has felt disoriented by doubt, deconstruction, or disillusionment. "I wanted to say what a profound effect your story had on me. It made me realize that we have a lot in common and through the liberation at the end of the story, I felt liberated too. It gave me such a sense of peace. I felt seen." --Individual with OCD "This book speaks truth and beauty. It was so powerful and I didn't want to put it down. It shows that there is hope to be found during the journey." ​ ​ —Sarah, OCD advocate at Faith, Me, and OCD "I was intrigued and read the entire story in one day. I was blown away by the way I could relate to the main character. It was very engaging and I was surprised at the similarities between our childhoods. Great work!" —individual with OCD "It's very engaging, especially in terms of the way it is written and the detail. I found it incredibly interesting though and dealt with very personal topics but ones a lot could relate to. I could certainly relate to it." —individual with OCD

Endorsements Buy Now Patrick Stewart, Director of Marian Acres Madonna House “With her beautifully descriptive and lyrical style, Kathrine opens the door of her heart and mind, inviting you into her life experience, her faith, and her ongoing healing experience. This is a story of hope and courage for men and women journeying through the crippling effects of OCD, for those walking the journey with them, and for the broader population who have family members, friends and acquaintances who suffer in this way.” Dr. Lacy Finn Borgo teacher, spiritual director, author “Through rich story and tender reflection, Kathrine shares her journey with OCD. She is real, honest, and vulnerable with the confusion and the clarity she has experienced. This book is a grace for those who struggle with OCD and a gift for those who seek to walk with those who struggle. May it cast a vision of acceptance and healing for all those who enter its pages.” Buy Now Dr. Robert R. Perkinson, psychologist and author of thirty-four books, including God Speaks to You. "This is the kind of book that changes the world. This book will set people free." Dr. Gill Harvey, Therapeutic Counsellor and Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Researcher & Trainer “With raw honesty, Kathrine shares her struggles with the OCD monster and her journey to discovering an authentic identity, seeking to discover God in it all. Kathrine’s honesty draws us into the privilege of witnessing her story. This book will resonate with individuals who struggle with similar challenges as well as those who seek to help them.” Dr. Cashe’ Featherson PhD, Minister, Author, Professor, and Psychotherapist “Suspenseful, captivating, and full of action, the story had me on the edge of my seat. I was so engrossed that I didn’t even notice my wife walk into the room. Intriguing and insightful, with a plot linked together like a chain, it creates a compelling read. Extraordinarily excellent.” ​ Patrick Stewart Director of Marian Acres Madonna House ​ “With her beautifully descriptive and lyrical style, Kathrine opens the door of her heart and mind, inviting you into her life experience, her faith, and her ongoing healing experience. This is a story of hope and courage for men and women journeying through the crippling effects of OCD, for those walking the journey with them, and for the broader population who have family members, friends and acquaintances who suffer in this way.”

Ghostwriting and Editing with Authentic, Human Emotion Artificial intelligence language models are changing the world of ghostwriting. But nothing can compare to the creativity of a human writer. "Pure excellence and creativity! Kathrine is a beautiful writer." ​ —Twice published leadership author ghostwriting client "Kathrine is a jewel of an editor! She was polite, professional, and helpful. Passionate about her work." —Social justice author, editing client "Kathrine helps you craft the narrative in a way you never considered. She is a pure talent and I cannot recommend her strongly enough." ​ —Mental health and travel author, developmental editing ​ ​ I provide ghostwriting, line editing, and developmental editing services with sensitivity, creativity, and authentic intuition. I come to your work with compassion and care for your story or dream. ​ Email me and I will share (with permission) some samples I have ghostwritten and edited. ​ Mail Leadership Ghostwriting and Editing "Pure excellence and creativity! Kathrine is a beautiful writer whether it be starting from scratch, revisions, etc. She continuously updates me on the progress she is making and I have been more than satisfied with the quality of work she is able to produce."—ghostwriting client, Leadership author published with Rowman and Littlefield Leadership/Entrepreneur Ghostwriting "Appreciate Kathrine’s talent, passion, and knowledge towards her projects. Grateful to have Kathrine as part of the team. Kathrine is a gifted writer, and I’m amazed she could put together all this content for my leadership book. She worked hard on organizing and collating content, audio files, and transcriptions. She drafted a book, researched copyright permissions, prepared ancillary documents for traditional publication (CV, platform, and comp titles), and provided marketing ideas. Super grateful for finding Kathrine. She has been incredible to work with. She is thoughtful, hard working, and has brought so much to the table beyond traditional performance. Highly recommend her!”--Ghostwriting and Publishing client Christian Devotional Ghostwriting “Kathrine really is one of the best freelancers I've had the pleasure of working with... Not only is she a very skilled writer, but also over the course of a 5-6 month project she remained communicative, diligent, cooperative, and the quality of work never declined throughout the whole thing. If given the chance again I would hire Kathrine in a heartbeat and would recommend her to anybody looking to hire. Thank you Kathrine!"--ghostwriting client Social Justice Nonfiction Editing "Kathrine is a jewel of an editor! She exceeded my expectations! It was a pleasure working with Kathrine; she was polite, professional, and helpful. I would hire again! If you are looking for someone to assist you with editing a book, passionate about her work, and can promptly complete all milestones, I recommend Kathrine."—publishing and editing client Memoir Editing "I can't even begin to express how AWESOME Kathrine is as a contractor and as a writer! I needed someone who could add descriptive words to my existing manuscript. Not only did she do that, but she went above and beyond to change full paragraphs until we were both completely satisfied. I am so happy with the end result! Kathrine will be my go-to ghostwriter on all future projects!"--editing client Blog Copywriting "Kathrine is an extremely talented writer and it was a pleasure to work with her. I provided minimal direction and quickly constructed notes and she was able to translate that into something beautiful that supported the theme I had requested."--blog copyrighting client

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Finally, a respectful, tender memoir about PGAD Awareness. PGAD and OCD often occur together, and the combination can be maddening. This fast-paced, novelistic memoir gives readers an intimate look into Kathrine's struggle with this confusing sexual health condition, while weaving a deeper story of reality, identity, and meaning. A poignant true story of hope. ​ For those with PGAD, a voice of peace. "A captivating memoir of the layered connections among mental health, sexuality, faith, and identity. In this insightfully written and compelling work, she details her struggles with a highly misunderstood sexual health condition. This unique book will bring this mysterious condition into the light and will resonate with many readers." ​ —Caroline F. Pukall, PhD, CPsych, Canada Research Chair in Sexual Health (CIHR), Professor, Department of Psychology, Centre for Neuroscience Studies, Sex and Relationship Therapy Service For those in pain, a voice of healing. “A profoundly moving journey of self-discovery. I highly recommend this book. It offers a relatable and honest perspective and makes one feel seen and heard - an important step toward healing and liberation.” ​ —Hicham El Amrani - Author, VIP Trainer and Executive Coach Notify Me When Book is Available! Notify Me! Thanks for submitting! We look forward to sending you more information about the book! For those with Uncertainty, a voice of courage. “Kathrine’s portrayal of her struggles around feelings, sexuality, and relationships is for anyone who has experienced pain and confusion.” ​ —Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC specializing in OCD, Forthcoming Author, The Christian Guide to Overcoming Obsessions & Compulsions ​ ​ ​ ​ Lire la vidéo Facebook Twitter Pinterest Tumblr Copiez le lien Lien copié Tori Beck, The Christian Advocate, Instagram “Kathrine beautifully and palpably captured the experience of OCD in such an accurate, soul-level way that I felt it in my gut. I couldn't put it down. Kathrine managed to take the convoluted, confusing, and messy reality of OCD and transform it into a beautiful narrative that you can't help but live right along with her as you read.” ​ Now, More Than Ever, Isolated People Need Your Help My vision is to reach three key groups of people who feel isolated: people who feel alone in their mental health people who are alone in their sexual health and people who are experiencing the disorientation of change, trauma, and loss. The loneliness crisis is massive. But together, we can solve it. Your support will pay for ads and marketing material so these people can find this message. You can make a difference to help these people feel less alone! “This is the kind of book that changes the world. This book will help set people free.” ​ — Dr. Robert R. Perkinson, Ph.D., author of thirty-four books, including God Speaks to You Notify Me When Book is Available! Notify Me! Thanks for submitting! We look forward to sending you more information about the book! ​ Support Me

Advance Praise for Shimmering Around the Edges “This powerful, beautifully written book is the most intimate look I have ever had into the mind of a person battling with OCD, identity, and understanding of God. For those who want to know more details about her healing journey, the appendix offers a rich collection of resources. A must-read for anyone hoping to gain a better understanding of life with OCD.” —Sharon Ogden, LCSW, MSSW, Christian Spiritual Director, Search for Jesus Discipleship Coach, Co-founder of Immanuel Way Ministries “A helpful and candid memoir of one woman's journey through crippling confusion to find freedom and healing in the mystery and uncertainty of an authentic journey toward truth." ​ —Karl Forehand, author and co-founder of The Desert Sanctuary “Suspenseful, captivating, and full of action, the story had me on the edge of my seat. I was so engrossed that I didn’t even notice my wife walk into the room. Intriguing and insightful, with a plot linked together like a chain, it creates a compelling read. Extraordinarily excellent.” ​ —Dr. Cashe’ Featherson, PhD, Minister, Author, Professor, and Psychotherapist “Kathrine beautifully and palpably captured the experience of OCD in such an accurate, soul-level way that I felt it in my gut. I couldn't put it down. Kathrine managed to take the convoluted, confusing, and messy reality of OCD and transform it into a beautiful narrative that you can't help but live right along with her as you read.” ​ —Tori Beck, The Christian Advocate, Instagram “A profoundly moving journey of self-discovery. This memoir takes you on a journey of hope, perseverance, and triumph over the crippling grip of OCD. Kathrine's narrative is so vivid that you can relate to her experiences as if they were your own. I highly recommend this book to anyone struggling with mental illness. It offers a relatable and honest perspective and makes one feel seen and heard - an important step toward healing and liberation.” ​ —Hicham El Amrani - Author, VIP Trainer and Executive Coach “In this insightfully written book, Kathrine intricately weaves a captivating story of the layered connections among her experiences with mental health, sexuality, faith, and identity. The precarious balance between repressing and expressing these intersecting experiences is powerful and chaotic, heartbreaking and fulfilling. Uniquely written and compelling, this work also details her struggles with an incredibly distressing and highly misunderstood sexual health condition, bringing this mysterious condition into the light. This book will resonate with many readers.” ​ —Caroline F. Pukall, PhD, CPsych, Research Chair in Sexual Health, Professor, Department of Psychology, Centre for Neuroscience Studies, School of Rehabilitation Therapy, and Department of Biomedical and Molecular Sciences, & Director, Sex and Relationship Therapy Service, Psychology Clinic “With raw honesty, Kathrine shares her struggles with the OCD monster and her journey to discovering an authentic identity, seeking to discover God in it all. Kathrine’s honesty draws us into the privilege of witnessing her story. This book will resonate with individuals who struggle with similar challenges as well as those who seek to help them.” ​ — Dr Gill Harvey, Therapeutic Counsellor/Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Researcher & Trainer “With her beautifully descriptive and lyrical style, Kathrine opens the door of her heart and mind, inviting you into her life experience, her faith, and her ongoing healing experience. This is a story of hope and courage for men and women journeying through the crippling effects of OCD, for those walking the journey with them, and for the broader population who have family members, friends and acquaintances who suffer in this way.” ​ —Patrick Stewart, Director of Marian Acres Madonna House “Kathrine invites readers onto the sacred ground of her personal story in a way that few have the capacity to do. This demonstration of bravery shows the courage that comes only when you get to the other side. As you read, you will find perseverance, courage, and true grit to work it out with Jesus. Regardless of whether you share the same struggles, you will find this book relevant, and a worthy companion on your own journey of healing. Kathrine’s style will draw you in. Her heart will take you deeper. Her story will help you heal.” ​ —Cathy Little, Co-Director, Face to Face Ministries, Author of Shame on You No More and Deeper: A Devotional Collection “For someone without a lived experience of OCD, it can be hard to understand what it’s like from the inside. Kathrine does a beautiful job of inviting us into her experience of being in the grip of OCD, and then sharing in her journey of finding freedom, comfort, and rest.” —Sharon Hale, LMFT, Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist “What a profound effect your story had on me. It made me realize that we have a lot in common. Your experience made me feel I wasn't alone! This book speaks truth and beauty. It was so powerful, I didn't want to put it down. Through the liberation at the end of the story, I felt liberated too. It gave me such a sense of peace. I felt seen.” —Sarah, OCD advocate at Faith, Me, and OCD “An engaging, relatable story that expertly captures the experience of living with OCD as a person of faith. I recommend this book to anyone struggling to reconcile their identity and faith while struggling with their mental health.” —Andrew Triska, MSW, LCSW, specializing in OCD, anxiety, gender and sexuality “This book is a courageous roller coaster ride for the reader that uncovers and examines one’s beliefs, emotions, thoughts and feelings in pursuit of identity, self-awareness and understanding.” —Kris Clyburn, Leadership and Self-Awareness Coach and Trainer “Through rich story and tender reflection, Kathrine shares her journey with OCD. She is real, honest, and vulnerable with the confusion and the clarity she has experienced. This book is a grace for those who struggle with OCD and a gift for those who seek to walk with those who struggle. May it cast a vision of acceptance and healing for all those who enter its pages.” —Dr. Lacy Finn Borgo, spiritual director, teacher and author of Faith Like a Child: Embracing Our Lives as Children of God “A masterful, highly relatable personal memoir of the trials and tribulations of life that many may experience but seldom share. An incredible storyteller that has you laughing, crying, and thankful for the tough journey through stress, anxiety, and beautiful chaos.” —Dr. Donya Ball, EdD, author of Adjusting the Sails: Weathering the Storms “This is the kind of book that changes the world. This book will help set people free.” —Dr. Robert R. Perkinson, Ph.D., author of thirty-four books, including God Speaks to You ​